Starting a blog has been a long put-off idea of mine and now I think its time. I've changed a lot of things in my life recently and organizing my thoughts in a way that others could understand is like a form of therapy for me.
So let's rewind the tape to a snapshot of my life in early May 2011. I'm a soon-to-be graduate from the Biomedical Engineering masters program at Cornell University. My girlfriend of three years and change and I are planning on reuniting after two years of long distance via me moving to her city. The job prospects are far and few between but I have a tendency to be able to make ends meet in almost any situation - a fact about myself that I've recently learned not to take for granted because it sucks when things don't work out. Sounds like a good position to be in except I'm continually vetting my situation and have been for 2 months. There is a plethora of confounding details, not to be divulged, that shake my confidence in making the commitment and taking the leap. The need to make the 'right' decision consumes my thoughts, my logic becomes circular and confused, and I lose touch with myself.
The reality of the situation soon caught up with me and, fortunately, I had the sense to spare myself and get away from all of it. I broke up with my girlfriend and moved back home to Mom and Dad and the comforts/discomforts of home. Before I had abandoned the plan and committed to not moving I had stumbled upon a job opportunity that nearly made my jaw drop. I knew that I had to apply to the position just on principle of being eligible and having discovered it. This twist of fate/chance event/divine intervention (belief pending) has turned out to be my saving grace. I landed the job and now find myself one week away from moving to the Big City into an apartment that I signed the 12 month lease for only 3 days ago! I never figured I'd live in the city but I suppose this is the perfect age, mindset, condition, and attitude to go out and experience it. I have a housemate in a similar situation - new to the city and excited to experience it - and I am certain that we are going to have a blast exploring the city!
I have felt so many emotions over the past few months on the behalf of others that I welcome the opportunity to be on my own, focus on my self, do things my way, and live my life! I am sure I will think about what things would have been like had I followed the plan but I don't believe I will regret giving myself this experience. I have tried so hard in life not to disappoint others but I lost sight of being sure not to disappoint myself. In a week I start a great new adventure into exploring myself, the world, and all the opportunities in between. I realize the sacrifices I have taken in getting here and acknowledge that others are impacted by my actions but for now that focus takes a backseat. One day - maybe tomorrow, maybe 20 years from now - that may change, but not today. I smile, laugh, and relax more now than I have in a long time and I have fallen in love with being happy!